Advice I Have Never Successfully Heeded:

1) Focus on What’s Good About You, Rather Than What You Lack:

My response: “Thank you. First off, can you go in a tremendous amount of detail about what’s good about me? Preferably in writing and potentially in a signed affidavit? Also, I do lack things. Occasionally, I think about them too much. That actually puts me in 99.9% of mankind."

2) Stop Thinking Too Much

My response: “Ok. I’ll get right on that. But doesn’t that involve a lobotomy?”

3) “You Should Go Out More And Maybe Find Someone You’re Interested In!” - My Mom

My response: “Thanks, Mom. Also, thank you for focusing on the one thing I lack (see #1, above), thereby putting me into a downward spiral. And by “going out more”, I’m not sure there’s a special outing for “desperate single women.” Except bars. Which is probably the one thing I should avoid. But I do appreciate the advice, as well as providing me some small amount of neuroses today.”

4) “Perhaps That Shot Is Not A Good Thing To Drink At This Present Time” – Voice in my head at Bar on Multiple Occasions, Years ago at 2am

My response: “Yeah. You’re Right.” - Me, on my bed at 8am.

5) "Perhaps that Woman Is Not Good For You, Either." - Same Voice In My Head, Occasionally but not limited to at bars

My response: "Yeah. You're Right. - Me, either hours, days, weeks or months later. Historically related to #4, above.

6) Get therapy.

My response: “You first. Also, I’m in therapy.”